Messengers From Heaven and Hell
by wingks
Summary: Words of wisdom and advice from the senior demon Crawford to his subordinate Schuldig, in an effort to help him secure the soul of the mortal Ran Fujimiya.
1. The 1st letter from the demon Crawford

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Messengers From Heaven and Hell

The first letter from the demon Crawford.

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Note: Schuldig is a novice minion restarting his demonic career from scratch after a ten year ban. He has recently been appointed a new mortal to execrate. Crawford is the superior demon in charge of Schuldig and constantly sends him letters to keep him on the right track.

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My dear Schuldig,

It has been exactly a decade of suspension since screwing up your last mission. I am pleased to inform you that you have finally been reinstated to active duty as a minion. You will be currently placed on probation, till you have proven yourself useful. During that period, you will be monitored by me, the great one who screwed you down to this hellhole.

Why, you ask, would you want to work when you can simply laze around and enjoy eternal suffering in hell? The answer is simple. Unless you want to spend the rest of eternity alone, you jolly well deceive more souls so that they will share the same fate as you. Revenge is a dish best served cold, metaphorically, of course.

Okay, enough with the bullshit. On to business.

Your designated mortal is a man named Ran Fujimiya.

Fujimiya is one screwed dimwit and would definitely be much easier than the last. His parents were murdered and his sister tried flying from a ten storey building. His heart is broken, his thoughts have no logical form. He thinks he is useless and that the whole world is against him, which is exactly the point you must drill deeper into his subconsciousness. Right now his only motivation to live is fueled by revenge.

Your task is to maintain his unstable state of mind which would eventually lead him to the depths of hell. Focus on his thoughts. His mind is at conflict with itself. If you catch any self doubts trailing off, take advantage of it and pull it along as far as you can. Constantly remind him he's a loser, which is the truth.

But let me warn you- the enemy is always on the lurk, so be on your guard at all times. It is not a very difficult task in my opinion. You should thank the lord our father for even forgiving you, much less giving you such an easy task, despite letting that previous mortal soul slip through your fingers. I still burn with rage as I recall your stupidity ten years ago. Let us put that behind our backs and look forward to the bright and burning future ahead for Mr Ran Fujimiya, shall we not?

Look after him well and nurture him in ungodly things, i.e. sex, drugs and material wealth. I will be watching over you.

Till my next letter,

Bradley.

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	2. The 1st letter from the archangel Youji

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Messengers From Heaven and Hell

The first letter from archangel Youji.

Disclaimer:  
I do not own the Weiss Kreuz characters.  
The use of demons and letter format was inspired by Screwtape letters and this picture no idea what the captions say though.

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Note: Youji is an accomplished archangel in heaven. Omi is an understudy who, under Youji's discipleship, takes on a task to save the life of a young man.

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Dearest Omi,

Congratulations for finally passing the guardian angel examination on your twenty first attempt. As the newest rookie guardian angel in heaven, you have been assigned a mortal to safeguard over. I will be mentoring you and a few others simultaneously, so don't expect me to reply letters too quickly. :)

Your duty is to protect the life and well-being of the mortal Ran Fujimiya. Ran was your average teenage boy. In the span of one week, his father died, his mother died and his sister died too. Sadly, I do not have any records of any of them entering the gates of Heaven.

Ran drinks, smokes and hangs out with those kids with holes everywhere. Now that his family has disintegrated, where do you think he will turn to? God? Oh no. He's going to indulge further into his misery, which would eventually lead him to suicide. Keep the optimistic thoughts and self-motivation flowing in. Drive out as much negative thoughts as you can. Life is not something to be carelessly thrown away.

You would have to work quickly, Omi, as observers from above tell me that the forces of darkness have already begun to envelope him. I don't exactly have very high expectations of you.. But bear in mind that each and every life is equally important no matter how corroded it is, as in Ran's case.

Here's a little background information so you would know where you're coming from. When I was your age, there weren't as many corrupted youths as there are today. Back then, teenagers were more discerning and demons less active. They stayed away from what was obviously not of God. So my tasks as an understudy were much easier.

Unfortunately for you, you were born too late. There recently was a case at a particular high school, where 1000 new lockers were installed. The number 666 locker was inevitably amongst the numbering. If it had been a hundred years ago, no one would even come within a radial distance of 1m to it. But guess what happened last month? Everyone blatantly wanted it. They viscously argued and fought over who got to have it. See what I mean?

Sometimes I wonder what is to become of today's youths. Well, Omi, I'm not saying all this to discourage you. I'm just being realistic. Do not be too worried if the going gets tough. With my expertise, one would definitely succeed.

All the best,

Youji

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Neev: Hey thanks, I totally forgot even my WK disclaimers T.T

Black Kitten's Dream: You read Angel Sanctuary too! Good for you!


	3. The 2nd letter from the demon Crawford

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Messengers From Heaven and Hell

The second letter from the demon Crawford.

Disclaimer:

Check chapter 2. -___-

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My dear Schuldig,

It appears that our heavenly counterparts have began to make their move. It's about time they swing into action anyway, considering how slowly heaven's time passes.

I have just read your letter. I wasn't able to discern a number of words as your handwriting is atrocious. You are urged to write with pride. Also, please observe your manners and keep profanities minimal. I am not a piece of rotting shit, darling. You are.

It's your own goddamned problem if little cupid shot arrows at you. And I couldn't care less whether your ass is bleeding buckets or not. You weren't supposed to be daydreaming. I already warned you to be alert. I hope your encounter with Cupid* has been a wake up call to put in more effort into your mission. This is no time to be playing the fool.

Say you were gleefully resting on the railing of the twentieth story beside Ran. Although Ran has tears streaming down both cheeks, the only sound made is the mockery you are making of his brain. He's contemplating whether life was still worth living or not. What's there worth living for anyway? Then you coax him with logical argument that he is better off joining his family in hell. By some miracle your crap succeeds in convincing him.

When he finally decides to jump, you double over laughing your pointy tail off and the next moment you're rocketing into the sky due to a minute ant's bite in your ass. And as you administer to your ass, the lift doors open and a brown haired man comes running out to pull Fujimiya to safety.

Fantastic. Simply fantastic. If Hell ever needed a soap opera writer, I'd remember you.

My beloved Schuldig, did you know that that would probably cost you another ten years of service to Fujimiya? You were so close and yet so far. Thanks to your foolishness I am stuck with you longer still. You gave Cupid an opportunity to meddle with our plans.

Mortals are not our enemy, Schuldig. The angels are. But Fujimiya's saviour, also known as Ken Hidaka, is not just any other mortal. He's a churchgoer. That means you will have to work extra hard to keep Fujimiya in the dark. If you look from Hidaka's perspective, it would seem an impossible task to win back the sanity of Fujimiya. Just give it your best shot. You are not going to let the enemy win without first making them sweat blood.

Now don't lose all faith in yourself over this little incident. This is and always has been expected of the enemy. They are strong, but we are stronger. In this time and age, who can resist the temptations of the evil one? Who can choose a boring hour long sermon over a two hour rock concert? Get him involved in the monotony of daily life, as he lives each day like the day before, since he cannot kill the will to live.

I would greatly appreciate a neatly folded piece of paper, not this crumpled crap of god knows what. Disrespectfulness will not be tolerated in future. I hope you see through your mistakes.

Yours sincerely,

Bradley

p.s. Get the arrows out of your ass a.s.a.p.. I don't care how and I'm sick and tired of your complaining.

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AN:

* Cupid refers to Omi. Brad and Schu don't know who he is so they simply refer to him as Cupid, since Omi shoots with arrows.


End file.
